Famous Actor and Film Producer Stephen Chow said in the film “Kangfu Football”, “This Planet is too dangerous, go back to Mars at once!” Not only did it be a joke, but this conversation also had explored more and more topic. However, this conversation might be one of the reasons of the person who withdraw. 

Most people thought that “withdraw” because a person who is lack of motivation, flow or dynamic. The riddle is what or who suppress or brought them away? Too many causes, and I believe that is the problem of safety. 

Environment is not the only things generate safety. Safety is not only subject to the social order, it comes from internal sometimes. For instance, the love between male and female, safety is invisible, internal, feeling whether safety nor not. This sort of the safety portrays the striking element of “withdraw”. 

They don’t want to go out. For the reasons of nobody understand their feelings, lower inclusion; of course, in business world is regarding to benefit or productivity. Both understanding and training are not their first priority. How could the habitual “withdraw” person adapt the rule of reality? No inclusion, the insufficient safety merges from insulting; critique brings the lower value of self-esteem, office bullying or isolation by the incapable of social ability or feel shame of lower ability and whatnot. These reasons will force the habitual “withdraw” person go back to their “nest”—their room. Some of them will receive the news or messages from computer or heard that some problems have been happen. Similarly, all of them could affect their cognition of safety. 

Someone who is wonder why it will have problem? We all have experienced the unsafety from the day one we came out from the wombs of our mothers, such as problems, environment, and fear….etc. We live in this planet, we have the similar experience, and we could learn from our life to surmount fear. We, surely, could not overcome all the problems, but it, somehow, could not threat our life, and to escape. It is different from the “withdraw” person. They have not learnt the techniques of cope with problems. 

Indeed, everyone has been taught some skills of coping problem. The “withdraw” person has not been taught or has not applied the theory. Didn’t apply means they hasn’t adopt the skills in their life, but has not been taught means their parent has not taught them. In parenting, there are two terms, Error of Omission, and Error of Commission. 

Error of Omission is in the process of parenting which the parents have not yet teach them the good things, such as how to protect themselves or their belongings, toys or something like that. They leave the good thing out. Error of Commission is the technique which the parents have misused in the process of parenting. For example, the glass has been broken by the careless child, father hit him immediately. More and more similar situations did happen; the fixation of the situation will be the internal force to tell him that you will be hit if you make any mistake. Then, child will escape the matters or responsibility from the trivial things in life. This attitude will spread out to others, then all the things in his life. At the same time, his available space of life will shrink and shrink, from the world to his room, even his bed only. 

Heard that some parents have the psychotic features, and they will threat their children that out of home how frighten and terrific environment is. The subtext is they are being discriminated, but it restrains the development and perception of the children. Unfortunately, “withdraw” is chronic, and accumulating inside. And therefore, the appropriate parenting is the first keeper. As long as the suitable parenting has been utilized, “withdraw” will not be happen. There is impossible that never go out. The world and the life are still wonderful.

Eddy

Psychotherapist