Most of the parents employ this formula delightedly: one disguises hard guy, another disguises relaxed one. This is the confrontation of good & evil, and the majority feels that is effective. For long run, it may not, or even engenders the side effect. Indeed, “Confrontation of Good & Evil” is not a good parenting method.

Triggers Fixation

“Confrontation of Good & Evil” is a wonderful method to educate their child that most of the parents believed that severe attitude could hard restrain the “Wrong” behaviours of a child. The kind-hearted attitude could appease their restless. A couple disguise different role to create the synergy, “carrot and stick”…This sort of parenting will bring the negative growing, insidiously and gradually. When the negative energy exploded from critical point, the troubles will over our estimation.

At first, the child is experiencing “Confrontation of Good & Evil” timelessly, she get the message or formula: “mother is good, father is bad”, or vice versa. They got the symbols, mother equal to good; father equal to evil, or vice versa. These symbols have been fixed by the children, and the attitudes of their parents. This creates the specific communication mode, attitudes or relationship between a child with a mother and a child with a father. For instance, a child has an incident, whom be told? Does he avoid talking to his mother, hiding the incident, even lying? Apart from relationship, the double standard has been trained, or he may estrange his mother. The above problems have triggered huge of the parental or children’s psychological cases all the time.

Ambivalence

Another problem is the child got the ambivalence. We talk the above example again. A child cannot release or understand his feeling or emotion for a long time after his mother treats him harshly and rigidly. Yet, mother is his intimacy caretaker, the ambivalence established, he feel hard time, and feel parental love simultaneously.

The serious cases will get anxiety, depression, and affective, cognitive or behavioural distortions. If a father is the harsh guy, and the father will not stay at home for work, this create the subjective and objective situation that he does not want his father to stay at home, the relationship of alienation or estrangement would be loomed. There is another far-reaching on his following day when he has to take the responsibility of husband or father; he may present an inappropriate role or attitude to his wife, and children.

Abnormal Emotion or Behaviours 

The polarization of parenting will not only affect the existing development of a child, and he also will lose the self-confident. The reason of his losing mind will mess his consciousness to find an appropriate standard or coping skills. He will frighten to talk or to do anything that relate to female, that trigger anxiety or self-confident problem, or the social ability problems. Some children will keep silent, or present a good child attitude at home; conversely, present the over-reaction emotion, numbness or abnormal behaviours in school or out of his parents’ sight.

Couple Relationship

Also, “Confrontation of Good & Evil” will act as the time-bomber of a couple relationships. A couple has used to disguise their rigid or loose role, but we could not solve all the problems by this skill. Provided that a “loose” father feels that his child has problem or do the things that he really improper behavior. Could we still appease him? On the contrary, a child want to do the good things, such as charity activity, and the mother wants her son to stay at home. Does she have to blame him or stop him? This will create the ambivalence between the couple. As far as any one side could not sustain their attitude, a child will lose his buffer state. At the same time, the parent’s images will made up in the child’s mind. How could a child stand for?

Couple Synergy

The best parenting of nurturing a child is the couple work for it in the same time. The appropriate explanation of every feelings, emotions, and behaviours directly is necessary. The polarized or tricky treatments are not taking the advantages to the child, but hiding the psychological risks. There is a simply method for parenting a health growth child by patient, and love. Then, they will have the health, and positive life.

Eddy

Psychotherapist