One day at the restaurant, there is a plot which appears all the times that a mother taught her daughter to do the summer exercises. The mother has adopted the verbal violence to her daughter, and blamed for her bad memory. Also, a little girl has been ordered not to have the meal before finished her exercises.

Force to Do Summer Exercise at Restaurant

I believed that the little girl feel hungry, so go to the restaurant, but her mother took the summer exercise out and let her to finish. She ought to finish the meal first or finish the summer exercise first?

There are two significant points. As long as a little girl is lazy, and never meet the homework deadline, may be done the exercise is better; otherwise, it’s not a big deal to finish “summer exercise” Furthermore, what is the objective of going to restaurant? The second and the remarkable point is the controlling or coercive encouragement would foster the negative attitude and psychological problems on the following day.

Incongruence of Environment & Behavior

Most parents thought the same thing, why the children will miss what they learnt, but they always showed their wonderful memory (Except the developmental retardation) in some special incidents, such as parents have promised to buy some gift. Over the hundreds answer will be found, but simply, they are tired. However, some parents could try to encourage child to finish a mission by giving some rewards. Utilizing the money is not a good reward even it could twist their value of money, and being learnt to weight everything by money while growth.

From the outset of compelling, children will have somewhat coordination. After several replication of threatening, for instance, no need to do the household if you finish your exercise, this sort of negative reinforcement or punishment: no chocolate if you do not complete the mission, which would create the worse parent-children relationship. Moreover, it would twist his/her value towards all of the things. One of the above examples is no need to do the household which creates the negative perception to the household subtly. Afterwards, when he has his family, household will be the burden, he though he has no obligation to do the household after one hard office day. Nowadays, most families have the quarrels on sharing the household. Certainly, there are many reasons to figure out this question, but remember please: tomorrow result would be affected by what parenting you do today.

Another problem is doing the right behavior in the right place unless you have no choice. Doing exercise in the restaurant can show the problem of time management whatever parent or children. Replication of doing exercise in restaurant, revision in park, eating in the public transportation will engender the problems. Twist or deflect the match up of the child and environment as if the Figure Ground Principle of Gestalt Theory, the personal behavior cannot match with the surroundings or societal milieu; and then, the bizarre behaviors along with the irrational cognition have been educated. It would influence the social interpersonal relationship and development in the future.

Punishment as the method of parenting will urge the resistant afterwards or many years later. Punishment will distort the normal behavior of children. One of the reactions is resistant. Provided that he is a coward, introjection will arouse him to hurt or abandon himself, lose his self-esteem. Thus, parent, please pay attention on what is the right time, right place to do the right behavior.

Even though the child will not show the reluctant reaction, it is not a good scenario. They would learn the controlling technique and project to another person. They will try to control the vulnerable parties, and surrender to the stronger which means he could not gain the balance relationship in any relationship, neither social interpersonal nor couple.

Parents have to consider your habitual parenting attitudes or techniques towards your children, please.

Reference

Clarkson, P. (1989) Gestalt Counselling in Action. London: Sage.

Dave Mann (2010). 100 Key Points and Techniques. New York: Routledge

Eddy

Psychotherapist