Last time, we mentioned that parent have to assist the child to prepare their new life in primary school psychologically. Yet, there are uncountable, unpredictable factors cause the social problem of a child. How could parents handle them?

Care & Companion

Social problem is a troublesome topic, whatever adult and child. Social and interpersonal problems will affect at the moment that we confront, or more far-reaching. Perhaps, most adult treat the child problem as a trivial. However, from the child’s point of view, it always is a big deal, and parent should not neglect. We sorry for not provide all the solutions of social and interpersonal problems, due to the varieties. But, there are two fundamental principles could usually be helpful, care and companion.

Don’t Rush To Solve It

Everybody look forward to have a person right here to standby while something happen. We always heard that “Nobody support me when something happen.” “No one talks to me or listen to my voice.” A child needs it too, especially the love or care of their parents. They got the social problem, and they certainly need companion of their parents. Parent(s) sit nearby the child, but no need to force the child to release emotion immediately if the child is reluctant; otherwise, the situation will be ruined. Emotion releasing is the first task we have to go, but not necessary to force the child to do. At this moment, companion is extremely important. Just let it go. Let the child to do anything reasonably as chill-out of an adult. Probably, let the child to have some sweet food, snack or ice-cream, sweet foods could stimulate Endorphin to make a person happier. In general, the story would be told soon. 

Don’t Stick To The Problem

Find out right or wrong directly is not showing your care. We have to understand that there are many reasons to produce a problem, e.g. you don’t know how to confront that situation, your child did it wrong, or vice versa. Providing that stick to the problem, it is not easy for a child to handle. Assuming that your child really did the wrong thing, he or she felt sorry or timidity to tell the truth, or lying to hide the truth. The worst case is twist your sight by the overreacting behaviors, such as crying, losing temper, or some violence actions…etc. It is helpless for the problem, but adds more negative emotion or behavior, or another distorted reaction. Some parents will employ blaming or violent to stop these negative emotions, but it implies that they will go into the loop, and the original problem has been covered.

Thereupon, the problem has been extracted, parents please do not go straight forward to conclude or solve the problem; and also, some statements could not be said, such as, “It’s simple.” “I will handle on behalf of you.” Or question him or her, “So who has to take the responsibility?” It may affect the child’s point of view, judgment, analysis, ability of problem coping. As a parent, we could help the child to explore, or discuss the problem objectively. This would assist the child understand what is the problem of the problem. To elaborate that there is not absolutely right or wrong sometimes, and it depends on the reaction of there and then. It is helpful to utilize the real cases as the references for a child to digest easier. The problem will be transformed into an opportunity of communication, hence the thinking method and direction of the child would be observed; Moreover, the child could feel your love.

After the child felt your respect and safety, then appeasing the emotion, they usually would tell the whole story, and the problem will be solved.

But if the above process does not work, even worse than before, please consider professions for your child before exacerbation. Negligence or delay could get the unpredictable result. It is another story if your child has congenital development. You have to treat your child by the professions as soon as possible.

Care & companion, it is not easy, but not difficult. Try to do it wholeheartedly, and do not serve yourself first, and you could make it.

Eddy

Psychotherapist